What a fucking waste of an outfit
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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