I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
