she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
