I can tuck mytits in my pants
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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