you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
