Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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