we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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