Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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