Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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