At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
