It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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