She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
