I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
