a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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