Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
