I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
