she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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