the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
