already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's never too late to be topless.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
