I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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