my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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