I'd wear matching sweaters with you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
