no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
