I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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