Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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