there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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