my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
