party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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