Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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