Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
