mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I CAN MOONWALK!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
