Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
