It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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