Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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