I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
