No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
