i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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