Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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