just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
