I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
