it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
