U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
