U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
