I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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