Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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