But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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