Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
