You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
