Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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