Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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