dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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